In the backyard - By Mizeta Moon

Thirty people signed up for the annual garden walk where the neighborhood showed off their plants and overall design. No prizes were available but each person on the walk had a scorecard. When the votes were tallied at the end there was a year’s worth of bragging rights to be had. Albertina Bigbottom usually won but this year there were several serious contenders and knocking off Albertina would bring smiles to a lot of faces.

Betsy Bludin was the organizer and tour leader, so she got up early, put on her sturdy walking shoes and overalls, grabbed her sun hat, finished her coffee, then stepped into a beautiful morning. Meanwhile, her husband, Martin, who wasn’t awake when she left, got up, ate a leisurely breakfast, then grabbed his towel and ambled to the hot tub in the backyard. He’d completely forgotten what day it was, and that their house would be the last stop on the tour.

As he took the cover off the tub, he noticed that the latch was rusty and made a mental note to replace it. He’d just slipped into the soothing warmth when their side gate opened and their next door neighbor came through, wearing the skimpiest bikini he’d ever seen. “Mind if I join you?” she asked coyly. “I saw Betsy leave earlier and the way she was dressed made me think she was out for a long walk.”

She was so gorgeous he’d spied on her through the fence several times and even saw her sunbathing naked on a chaise lounge once. “I’m naked,” he replied. “I doubt Betsy would approve.”

She giggled and hopped in. “I’m only staying for a few minutes.” Peering beneath the water surface, she added “I can tell you want me to.” So while Betsy and crew were observing and judging landscapes, her skin kept bumping into his as the bubbles caressed them and things escalated. The few minutes turned into a couple hours that he’d fantasized about but never thought would happen. Betsy flat out refused to have sex in the hot tub, no matter how often or sincerely he begged.

The trysters were tired after their fierce lovemaking, so they spread towels on the deck, cuddled into each other, and promptly fell asleep, unmindful that the clock was ticking. The tour arrived at Betsy’s house fifteen minutes later. Betsy told them to let themselves through the gate and excused herself for a trip to the bathroom. Within a minute, she heard giggles and snickering sounds coming through the open window and hurriedly finished her business in order to investigate. Her face turned red with embarrassment and rage when she stepped out the back door and saw the garden tour group gawking at Martin and the sleeping beauty instead of admiring her lovely garden. Her bellowing MARTIN!! Caused a flurry of activity and gave the tour a legendary ending. The neighbor grabbed her bikini and skedaddled. Martin draped a towel in front of himself and sidled past a sobbing wife, trembling with fury. Pens marked scorecards that were handed to Betsy as the laughing bunch filed out.

The neighborhood newsletter came out the next week. Bold headlines revealed the fact that Betsy Bludin was the unanimous winner of the garden walk due to having the most spectacular sights of that year’s tour. Although slightly mollified by winning, Betsy arranged to have the hot tub dismantled and removed, then told Martin she was filing for divorce. For Martin, the incident led to an unexpected happy ending when the neighbor invited him to move in with her. Rumor has it that they plan to make their backyard part of the next tour. OH! BTW. Albertina Bigbottom has challenged the result but it’s doubtful she’ll get a good result since pretty much everyone wanted her to lose.         

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