After my wife left me for another woman, my life was like watching a horrible movie where I was swimming upstream trying to scale Niagara Falls. I felt like I would drown if I stayed in the same house, kept the same job, and associated with friends we had in common. Wherever I went I couldn’t escape the feeling they were laughing at me behind my back. Getting drunk didn’t ease the pain and only succeeded in making things worse. I got mouthy and rude and became a pain in the butt to everyone in the bar, so I quit going out to make sure I didn’t end up in jail. I thought about stalking her so often that I knew I had to move as far away from her as possible. The far side of the moon felt like it would be too close but there had to be somewhere I could go and heal. That’s how I wound up booking four consecutive around the world cruises and becoming an online stock trader to support myself.
Being on a ship simplifies making new friends since there’s basically nowhere to go. You can stay in your cabin and generally avoid people if you choose, but self-imposed isolation can turn into a major drag and lead to jumping overboard and being eaten by sea creatures. When I’m not at my desk working at making money I enjoy all the amenities the ships offer and interact with people I’ll never see again instead of wallowing in lonely girl misery. It still feels like manic denial sometimes but overall I’m getting better, except for the fact I’ve become a shopaholic.
It started with buying a rundown villa on the Italian Riviera. I was making money hand over fist so having a new place to live when I was done cruising sounded great. According to the brochure there are olive and fig trees galore on the property, as well as several varieties of citrus and acres of grape vines. The place hadn’t been well maintained for a few years due to the owner dying so the idea of a fixer upper got my juices flowing. That led to shopping sprees in every port we visited. Arranging for my purchases to be shipped to my future residence was necessary since I couldn’t store them in my cabin. I now possess hundreds of shoes, dresses from all parts of the world, and enough furniture and décor items to fill several shipping containers. When this final cruise is over it’s going to be fun to unpack it all. Hopefully, the caretaker I hired through an online interview has done a good job of storing things as they arrived.
The dilemma now is that I’m reluctant to bond with someone and share that life awaiting my arrival. Sure, I’ve had great sex and fun with people I’ve met on board, but they went away at the end of the cruise and I had no desire to follow them. Getting over someone I really loved has turned out to be harder than I thought it would be. The idea of trusting someone with my heart and hoping they won’t break it gives me sweaty nightmares. Not to mention they might only be interested in my money. I guess the best thing to do will be to focus on rehabbing my new home, socializing in my fabulous new wardrobe, and letting the cards fall where they may. If I meet someone incredible that will be great but if I don’t I’ll at least have a great base for my golden years. I can travel to Paris, have lunch in Rome, or pop over to London for fish and chips and a pint. Endless possibility awaits now that I can afford it. We’ll be docking in Miami tomorrow and my days at sea will finally come to an end. I’ll be flying out the next day and am determined not to look back. It’s hard to start over sometimes but I know it can and often has to be done. Whatever the future brings I plan to greet it with a smile and a great glass of wine from my very own vineyard.