Part One: Up There! Can't You See It?
Detective-Inspector Gee, Sgt. Goat and Sgt. Rover were strolling along Verdandi Boulevard, heading back to headquarters. Their spirits were high as they have just solved another mysterious case. Suddenly Rover stopped and looked upward.
“Whoa! What's that up there?” he asked, looking anxiously at the sky.
“What . . .?” Sgt. Goat sputtered.
“Up there! Can't you see it?”
“Oh yeah. It's a bird,” Sgt. Goat said, squinting upward.
“No, it's a plane!” Sgt. Rover exclaimed, staring at the object. “No, wait, it is a bird,” he amended after a pause. Then his eyes went round, “Lookit that! It's Super Bird!” Sgt. Rover was nearly barking with excitement.
There was courageous music as Super Bird! a heretofore legendary creature, came fluttering down to a graceful landing, expertly perching on top of the fence.
“Good day, Officers,” he said, staring down his formidable beak at them standing on the street below.
“Hi, Super Bird!” Sgt. Rover answered, trying to hide his wagging tail.
“Good day, Super Bird,” Inspector Gee replied, impassively. “What brings you out our way?” Inspector Gee was proud of her record, keeping criminals at bay most of the time. She didn't see any reason for Super Bird to be here, especially since she hadn't believed in him before, unless he's got relatives or something here.
“Officers!” Super Bird said sharply, “I have come to free you of your hideous bondage!”
“What bondage is that?” Inspector Gee asked.
“Golly thanks!” Sgt. Rover said with a big grin at the same time, then, glancing at Inspector Gee, “Uh, yeah. What bondage you talking about?”
“Orders! Reports! Danger followed by endless drudgery!” Super Bird screeched. He seemed indignant. “Fine legal minds like yours sent mucking about for clues, then evidence, then who knows what all else while those wily lawyers twist things around until the vilest of miscreants walks free to commit even graver crimes, always pushing, always coming back!”
“Golly,” Sgt. Rover said, his eyes wide. Sgt. Goat looked suspicious.
“I would think that detecting and report filing are the natural work of detectives,” Inspector Gee said, her eyes narrowing.
“No more!” Super Bird squawked. “I have come to set you free! Now go! Be free! Find a job and pull on your bootstraps! You will find happiness!”
Instantly DI Gee knew it was undoubtedly a ruse to distract them, likely to get them out of the way so that real criminal acts could be done. She leaped up, aghast. “You cannot be Super Bird! For you are a knave!” she yelled, running toward Super Bird, brandishing her fists, as Sgt. Rover began barking.
“Yikes!” Super Bird yelped as he fluttered clumsily away from DI Gee's fists, tripping over the fence pole. That's when his clever disguise fell off revealing the arch criminal, Brad Puffup! Everyone watching gasped with surprise except DI Gee, who knew all along.
“Zounds!” Brad yelled, “Foiled again!”
“Stop instantly, miscreant!” Sgt. Rover barked, lunging toward Puffup.
“Halt! In the name of the law!” Sgt. Goat yelled, also brandishing his fists.
“Ha! You'll never catch me!” Puffup yelled before breaking into his famous deranged villain laugh, “Bwa ha! Ha! Haaaah! I will be back!” he finished, posing heroically before running off, with Sgt. Rover barking at his heels and Sgt. Goat close behind.
Inspector Gee waited patiently until they returned. She knew what they were going to say. “Somehow he slipped away,” they reported gloomily. She just nodded.
“Now,” Inspector Gee said, in her firmest, most in-charge voice, “we go to the top of Brad Tower.”
Ominous music can be heard. Brad Tower is reported, by Brad himself, to be the tallest building in the universe, although this claim is currently being contested by the Vulgarians from across the galaxy, who say they have a building that is taller, so tall in fact, that it connects to their moon. Engineers are working to establish the particulars of this building, like just how tall is it? While other engineers are approaching Brad tower with this same question. Tall building enthusiasts are eagerly awaiting the results.
Part Two: They Survived By . . .
Meanwhile, we find the Inspector and her two Sergeants making their way up Brad Tower. They are perhaps halfway, maybe more, but for sure way high up. Each time they come to a new, higher up lobby they wander around, sometimes getting sandwiches and coffee from the lunch counter, or sitting for a bit by a fountain, before finding another elevator going up, which they will take, courageously undaunted by the extreme height they are attaining.
Too, they are each wearing space suits that have a built in parachute as well as rocket propulsion for deep space. Sometimes they encounter engineers trying to determine the tower's actual height who also wear space suits.
In the second day of their upward ascent it was clear by looking out the windows that they were in space. The air inside was okay and the temperature was comfortable with the patented Brad Corp Gravitons keeping them on the floor. They continued upward. After three days they came to welcome sight. A hotel! It was a Brad Corp hotel , of course, but the rooms were nice. Inspector Gee had a fine view of distant earth from her room while her Sergeants shared a room overlooking the atrium pool. They stayed for a few days, resting up.
When they finally reached the penthouse suite, believed by many to be the actual top of Brad Tower, they'd lost track of how long it'd taken. Inspector Gee felt triumphant as she pushed the buzzer to Number One, Brad Tower, albeit light-headed. Same with the Sergeants Rover and Goat, light-headed, dizzy at times. The door was solid gold which is what the legendary criminal's lair is said to be made of. Inspector Gee was confident this was the right place.
After an interminable wait the door slowly opened and there stood the butler Murgin Growl. Murgin was from a family of cro-magnon magicians who had trouble fitting in. They survived by working as butlers for arch criminals. People who didn't ask too many questions. People like Brad Puffup, arch criminal, CEO and mad scientist.
“Yeah? Whadya want?” Murgin growled. “You got an appointment?”
They all showed their badges, “Where's Puffup?” Inspector Gee demanded.
“He ent home!” Murgin growled.
“When's he due back?” Sgt. Rover asked.
“Dunno,” Murgin growled.
“Well, I guess we'll just wait,” Inspector Gee announced, barging into the spacious solid gold living room and plopping down on the couch. There were large picture windows overlooking a fine view of the moon which seemed, somehow, to be closer to the earth than they were.
“Whatever,” Murgin growled as he left the room. Sgt Rover sprawled in front of a warm golden hearth that had a screen showing burning logs inside, while Sgt. Goat turned on the golden TV. There was a news report about their chase after Brad Puffup, with hourly updates. The last update showed Puffup leaving his Penthouse in a golden flying saucer less than an hour before Inspector Gee and her Sergeants had arrived.
“Darn it!” Inspector Gee exclaimed when she saw that. “He's slipped past us again!” Since sound doesn't carry in space Brad had left them a recording of his nefarious villain laugh, which they played several times, looking for clues. Finally, Inspector Gee decided that further waiting was fruitless, that they had to give chase.
“We're commandeering your spaceship, Growl!” Inspector Gee announced the next time they saw him.
He rolled his eyes. “Whatever,” he growled, tossing the keys to Sgt. Goat. They quickly located Murgin's late model UFO in the garage and were soon in hot pursuit. But no matter how fast they went they could only see Puffup's taillights, never able to get closer. Faster and faster they went, warp eight, warp nine, faster and faster, warp ten, warp suddenly! Puffup's brake lights came on and in a split second they passed him and were a few million kilometers beyond before they could get stopped. By then, of course, Puffup was long gone.
Part Three: The Crowd's Mood Was Changing
Brad Corp, the largest corporation in the universe, began running advertisements for their newest products, all blatantly illegal, assorted police evading devices and various other criminal style products. After they made tons of money on that and got away with it, Brad came on TV and declared Brad Corp was now a sovereign nation called Bradco, and that they were annexing Elvenstead to be their homeland, hereafter to be known as Bradco. This caused quite a stir in the palace of King Overwood who, until now apparently, had been the King of Elvenstead. The fact that these villains could do all this awful stuff and not get apprehended was disconcerting.
The Queen of Police, Captain Sassy Fat, realizing the police were looking totally bad, called an emergency meeting in the police auditorium with the entire force attending.
“All right people, what're we going to do?” she asked. Just then King Overwood himself appeared, followed by his courtly entourage. Captain Fat, like DI Gee earlier when she saw Super Bird, did not like this one bit, figuring that she had everything already under control and watched quietly, with a stern expression as the King approached the podium. The crowd's mood was changing as they watched their top officer get so easily displaced by the King, a politician who did not know this case, or any case, like they did.
King Overwood looked out over the scowling police with a somber expression. “All right people, what're we going to do?” he asked. There was a rustling and stirring. A few of them had actually hoped for a kingly plan or at least words of encouragement but most were not surprised. They were surprised however, with what the King said next.
“Brad Corp makes more money than any country, way more than Elvenstead runs on, more than any country, plus Brad has an army.” This was worse than anyone thought. Elvenstead was surely facing her darkest time, a time fraught with peril and seemingly insurmountable challenges.
The King looked at the police force with a sinking feeling. This was, for all practical purposes, Elvenstead's army. Inspector Gee and Sergeants Goat and Rover were in the front row, and the King thought none of them, well, maybe Goat, but really none of them were suitable for battle.
There was heroic music as the professional heroes Brak and Jant arrived. Captain Fat took over the podium, gently pushing the King aside.
“All right people,” she began, “we're going to do something. I have decided,” the King cleared his throat, “I meant the King and I of course, well, we've decided to appoint a committee to take care of this.” She paused, looking pleased as punch. “Detective-Inspector Gee will head the committee and her team will consist of Sgt. Goat, Sgt. Rover and the heroes Brak and Jant.” There was cheering and wild applause. Everyone, especially the King, was relieved to pass the responsibility of defeating Brad to someone else and this committee would do nicely.
“This plan is swell!” the King announced then everyone quickly went home. Except for DI Gee, Sgt. Goat, Sgt. Rover, Brak and Jant, who remained in the vast police auditorium, standing alone with dazed expressions.
Inspector Gee looked at them, “Okay guys, looks like it's just us. Let's head over to Brad Tower. Sgt. Goat, get an extra-long car out of the garage.” Soon they were standing across the street from Brad Tower.
Looking at the first few floors the tower was not terribly impressive, DI Gee thought. It's just that it's so dang tall. That's why it's so impressive, she mused. Even intimidating. They all gazed upward even though they knew it was impossible to see the top from the ground. There was a soldier patrolling around the first floor.
“Not much security here, considering they're essentially invading Elvenstead,” Inspector Gee said.
“Well, they appear to believe that Brad is basically unreachable up there in his solid gold penthouse, so I think they're just concentrating on taking over, Ma'am,” Sgt. Goat observed.
“So it would seem, Sergeant,” she replied. She gazed at the tower for a few moments. Addressing the group she asked, “What do you think would happen if we broke the tower, up a ways, maybe around the sixth floor or so?”
“Broke it?” Brak asked. He seemed pleased.
“Yeah, you know, make it so it couldn't support the upper floors anymore. Break it.”
“Oh yeah,” Brak said. “Now that sounds just fine.”
“Real hero work, baby,” Jant said from behind him. The Sergeants were both gazing up at the sixth floor as if seeing it for the first time.
“So, what you got in mind?” DI Gee asked the heroes.
Part Four: Platypus Babies Are Called Puggles
Brad sat atop his super tall building, out of reach of reprisal while his trolls were far below marching toward Elvenstead. As his troll armies prepared to cross the border into Elvenstead there was a loud humming noise. The armies stopped, because the humming was really quite loud, overpowering and had an ominous, threatening aspect to it.
“Why have you stopped?” Brad screamed into his microphone.
“Sir, there's a loud humming noise,” the General leading the trolls reported.
“You stopped because of a humming noise?”
“Oh my gosh! Run!” the General reported.
“What's going on General?”
“There's millions of elves, faeries, pixies, puggles and who knows what else coming at us with swords and cannons! Run!”
“Turn around and fight! That's an order!” Brad yelled into the microphone.
There was some odd crunching and popping noises, then, “Oh! Hello? Is this Brad? Hi, I'm leading an Elvenstead Volunteer Brigade and I'm afraid we've just routed your troll army. Have a nice day.”
Suddenly Brad's aerial penthouse started to sway, then it swung way back and with a snap it shot into space. Brad Tower had snapped like a whip because Brak and Jant had driven a rocket into it millions of floors below, somewhere around the sixth floor, skillfully avoiding all defense actions then parachuting at the last minute, causing a terrible ripple that slung the upper part into space and collapsed the bottom part. Brak and Jant were jubilant over their success. Meanwhile the people of Elvenstead had risen up on their own, more than even lived there, so many, in fact, that their approach created a fierce hum, and Bradco was defeated.
With the collapse of Brad Tower, creating a pile of debris now known as Brad Mountain, and the disappearance of the nefarious Brad Puffup, the source of all evil, who is now believed to be hurtling through space, Elvenstead had cause to rejoice. The King gave medals to the entire committee and Captain Fat talked about the important police contribution, while the people, all the diverse people of free Elvenstead, danced in the streets.