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Contact Mizeta at mizetasworld@live.com, or Howard at fhschneider@comcast.net

Shaved Legs And All (Cross Dressing Made Easy): My, What Big Feet You Have!

Shoes! There are no words to express how much I love them. Even as a little boy I was fascinated by well-manicured shapely toes in a colorful pair of mules or nice ankles sheathed in nylons and high heels. Little did I know at the time how much agony many of those women were going through to be fashionable. Ah…the innocence of youth. Since then I have learned some painful lessons about human feet.

One of the most common body parts to be misshapen or troublesome compose the very foundation upon which we rest. Suffice to say, that bent toes, lumps, bumps, bunions, corns and the like are never factored in when designers create the latest look for the beautiful people. One of the greatest tortures one can endure is standing at a social event in a fabulous outfit and having a strap, snap or buckle providing excruciating pain as a reward for trying to look nice. Just because something looks great doesn’t mean it feels good. It is little wonder that modern women wear comfy shoes on a day to day basis and only tolerate the pain of high fashion for short periods of time at special events. Imagine what it must have been like when girls were expected to wear pumps throughout an entire school year.

Having been blessed with big old man feet, I am faced with even greater challenges when it comes to indulging my fetish for cool-ass shoes. First, there is the fact that stylishness starts to fade after size 10: to be replaced by purely functional footwear designed to further humiliate girls who dared to be born with water skis instead of dainty little tootsies. How I drool over those cute little rhinestone numbers that only come in size 6. Second is the awkwardness of sitting in a fancy shoe store while an unenthusiastic clerk reluctantly waits on someone they feel doesn’t belong there. An additional problem is that structurally most women’s shoes are not designed to accommodate a man’s weight and bulk, which leads to them rapidly deteriorating. These challenges are formidable, but with a little thought and lots of determination they can be resolved.

Nordstrom’s Rack carries pretty shoes in larger sizes and also offers the convenience of shopping from open displays where no snotty assistance is required. They can be pricey, but way cheaper than at the parent store and worth the money if you prefer not to suffer. You can grab a pair of foot shields and sit there with others who share your size issues and try on as many as you like without having to feel self-conscious. If you are lucky enough to have small feet your choices will be greater anywhere you go. Ross usually stops at size 10. Most other stores do as well, although Payless offers a few reasonable choices in 12 and sometimes 13. Even with them, the ones you want will probably only come in an 8. Aerosoles are usually not super sexy, but if comfort is what you want, they carry some cute styles in 11 or 12. Keep in mind that you’ll need a woman’s size approximately two sizes larger than your man shoes. Whatever you do, don’t lie to yourself. If they feel the least bit tight and uncomfortable in the store, then that feeling will be multiplied ten-fold when you walk a few blocks down unyielding concrete sidewalks.

There are online stores that specialize in fetish wear for men, as well as day to day shoes, but I shy away from them as each cut fits differently and I don’t want to return nine out of ten pairs before I get it right. Summer time is easier for me, because during open toed season the lack of binding on my toes makes for greater selection than when winter forces me into closed toes. I have spent way too much money on things that were way sexy, but wound up sitting in my closet awaiting that day when my feet miraculously shrunk to fit them. So far that hasn’t happened. This is one of those areas where you have to be fearless and willing to sit in a public place and work on it till you get what you want and need. If you don’t, your suffering will far outweigh the joy you feel wearing that killer dress and those darling little panties you picked up at Victoria’s Secret.

If you live in a little town in the middle of nowhere, the thrift store might be your only option other than mail order once you know which size works for you. I can do that here in Portland as well, but because most large stores have a reasonably relaxed attitude towards people like me, I don’t have to conform to the shapes other people’s feet have impressed into shoes they donated for whatever reason. In a small town, sitting at the local boutique might be more exposure than you can afford or tolerate. At the thrift store you can toss a pair into your basket along with some other stuff and it will usually pass without comment. You can always say they are for your sister.

Other than great sex, hardly anything compares to the joy of a new pair of sassy shoes. Once you have a good foundation and are ready to put your best foot forward a whole world of fashion awaits your arrival. Meanwhile, remember to shave those hairy toes and if possible, stop by your local spa for a pedicure before venturing forth in those cute little snake skin mules. Mizeta Moon

Man, I Have To Pee

Public restrooms are not only trading posts where everyone’s germs are freely passed around, they can be an excursion into dangerous waters. When I first started wearing dresses it took a while to find places where I felt safe when there was no avoiding the fact I had to go. Thankfully, stores like Trader Joe’s have installed single occupancy unisex facilities, and taken away the anxiety that can come when using separate sex toilets. Even though they haven’t removed the sexual demarcation signs, Panera Bread also has locking units and the staff will usually let you in whichever one is empty. Many places only have one restroom and it becomes first come, first served. Rite Aid etc.

At a bar, the restrooms are usually quite small and if you have to share it with a drunk that has a bad attitude, you can get punched out before anyone knows there is a problem. In such places I try to hold it or keep an eye on the door to determine when it is empty. Unfortunately, if you are drinking beer, or have a weak bladder, that might not be an option. In large department stores there is usually a little more elbow room, but even so, walking in will get you a lot of dirty looks. I often feel like saying “you don’t have to hide it. I don’t want it.” Instead, I move quickly to a closed stall and lock the door. Whatever comments are made get met with silence and seldom lead to confrontation. I never stand at a urinal and lift my dress with my back turned to the room. Over the years some of the scariest moments have come at malls where you have to open an outer door to get inside. If someone is reaching for the handle on the other side, the fact that they weren’t expecting you can make for an uncomfortable situation. I have had men try to block my passage and tell me I needed to use the other one if I wanted to dress like a fruit. I once had a WalMart janitor chase me inside and vehemently tell me I was in the wrong place. I took it as a compliment that he thought I was a woman.

Although my right to a sexual identity is protected by law, the guidelines for use of a restroom are governed by statutes that state when separate facilities are provided I must use the one designated for men. Out of respect for the privacy of women, I wouldn’t use theirs anyway unless it was a choice between soiling my panties or being impolite. When it comes to such things, women generally prefer a higher degree of privacy, although in Europe many countries have wide-open unisex bathrooms and women sit in plain sight to do their business. I doubt most Americans are ready for such a transition. The puritanical fixations our society has developed around something that is a simple fact of corporeal existence are sometimes quite amusing.

As in my other postings my message remains the same. Stay safe. Plan ahead if possible. Don’t walk into a shit-kicker bar, sashay to the toilet and expect to be treated kindly. Keep your wits about you so that your passage through life is as trouble free as possible. In a pinch you can pee next to a tree much more easily than a girl, although the person whose yard you used might not appreciate it very much. The time will come when simple persistence will make the presence of transvestites in our world such a commonplace occurrence that it will no longer elicit comment. Until then, keep your eyes forward when it’s time to pee. Unless of course you are in a cruise bar or a swing club. There, the only advice I can give you is to practice safe sex.   Mizeta Moon

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